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| Subject: I Wanna Be A Writer For The Best Queer Newspaper This Side Of Anti-Matter! |
| 12.23.04 (12:06 am) [edit] |
Pplz: I just e-mailed the following application to write for a local LGBT newspaper. In their latest issue (last Thursday) they had a short article on page 3, advertising for new columnists and reporters. This was in the same edition, mind you, where they also printed my letter to the editor, "Gay Marriage By Any Other Name". Opportunity knocks, eh?
--begin application:
Subject: I Wanna Be A Writer For The Best Queer Newspaper This Side Of Anti-Matter!
Date: December 23, 2004
Dear "SF Bay Times" ,
I'm applying to your newspaper, the SF Bay Times, to be a regular or occasional queer columnist. I'm a veteran of the Gay Rights movement, having been an activist since 1973, which also marks my arrival to Gay Mecca. Being I'm the underground counter-culture type--the real McCoy in fact--means you've likely not heard of me, since I evade the news as much as the news evades me. But I've been a powerful, if gentle and mostly-invisible, force here in The Castro since at least 1983.
In the last seven years, the Internet has gained most of my creative attentions, which you may see for yourself by visiting my fantabulous website:
gay-bible.org
Which home page includes the same essay your paper just published last Thursday as a letter to the editor (pg. 12), entitled: "Gay Marriage By Any Other Name". But after I sent it, I ran through it once more to achieve a final polish. You will find it at the end of this message, with this special treat: some added e-mail conversation with a heterosexual Howard-Dean activist! (Or is it Dean-Howard? Deze guys wid two foyst names drive me up-a-wall! Jeez!) Otherwise, examples of my writing can be found on my home page, under section "13 Letters From 13 Angels". These compose my most recent or best pieces. Two more places on my site that feature my writings are:
Poems, Tales, Letters & Essays
gay-bible.org/write
and
True Tales From The Castro (eat your heart out, armistead)
gay-bible.org/truetales
You will find a punctuational peculiarity to all my pieces: I enclose quote marks within punctuation, and not the other way around. But I assure you, do not quiver: I am ready to go the conventional grammatical route in order to spare proofreaders any needless misery. I've worked on newspapers in my salad days, through high school and college (1964-1972). I'm presently 54 yrs. of age, if you must know.
I am timely; I'm unique; I'm original. I'm a thought provoking, shit-stirring, rabble-rousing one-man package of QUEER PRIDE...RARRRRRGH!
My current writing is featured on my "zekeblog" these days. This should give you an idea of the types of articles I enjoy writing: rather eclectic yet still very much the outlaw. I don't do leather, I don't do drag, I don't do Castro. I don't club, I don't booze it up...and yet I've been one of the most devoted, courageous and underrated Gay Activists to ever exist (can you say "Curse Of Cassandra?"). Essentially, I'm a philosopher and sociologist on Sexual Minorities And Subcultural Manifestation, through my own observations and studies...having been grounded in the School of Anthropology at the University of Missouri (Columbia). Many of my pieces (both written and spoken) teach the spiritual wisdom I've gained as a gay male, through a witty filter. Topics can range from the immediately local:
Suck My Big Fat Dick, Hetero Counterculture
gay-bible.org/truetales/6_suck.htm
to the national:
Hetero Shame Week
gay-bible.org/truetales/6_shame.htm
to the global:
!!! Gay Ghost Online Censorship Rages On !!! (from my blog)
tblog.com/templates/index.php?bid=ezekielk&static=1 93309
to the universal:
Who Was The First Christ?
gay-bible.org/write/4_first-christ.htm
and finally, to the fantastical:
Jesus On The Okra Winfree Show
gay-bible.org/write/2_okra.htm
So it's about time I have my own column, don't you think? I already have a name for it: "gay-bible.org" (in a fat font). But since I'd sell my mother's own soul for a column, I won't obsess over the title or other trivial concerns (such as moolah or Mary Jane). In fact, I've just completed my first article for your sterling newspaper! Wanna see it? Just ask!
You might also like to know that I do queer storytelling and comedy at 3-Dollar Bill Cafe mainly, when they have open-mic. I also do Magnet and am looking around for more 5-minute "quickies" outside of the Castro. So you might realize I have other talents to rely on (should you foolishly turn me down) hear some of my recorded skits at the following URL:
gay-bible.org/truetales/index.htm#openmic
Thanks for your attention.
Oh, and I've been running for First Gay US President, since Y2K. If you visit the Astral Plane often, you already know this. But just in case you don't (and I mean nothing personal by this) read my platform here:
Zeke for Prez = Gay Liberation
gay-bible.org/tidbit-3.htm
It needs polishing...but isn't that where the rest of Our Queer Family steps in? And don't you just LOVE being the first LGBT newspaper (hell: the FIRST newspaper ever, and that includes the hetero mainstream) to spread the Good News?
Sleep on it. And if you can't sleep, call me: 666-6666.
SinQueerly,
Ezekiel J. Krahlin
--
Jehovah's Queer Witness (Zeke Krahlin) - Shamanic Story Teller & Trickster
"Accepts blow jobs by loyal fans...for me to poop on!" -Tryoomph
gay-bible.org
Thank you again, SF Bay Times! If you don't really want me, I understand. You can still look forward to my letters to the editor...however I'm afraid they'll show up in the mail batch like doves with broken wings, through no fault of my own, since I'm blameless. :b
--end of application
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posted by: Big Pete (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (10:06 pm)
You are our dear queer warrior, Zeke.
posted by: Big Pete (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (10:09 pm)
Not to be impish or anything, but http://www.gay-bible.org/write/6_shame.htm is not a working link.
HTH
posted by: zekeblog (reply)
post date: 12.26.04 (11:06 pm)
Your compliments have certainly put much brightness in this wintry weather, Big Pete! And thanks for pointing out the bad link. It should be:
http://www.gay-bible.org/truetales/6_shame.htm
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