(Note: I actually created the following limerick on a bet, while at the Hole in the Wall Saloon. Told the guy sitting next to me at the bar, that for a free drink I could punch out a limerick in less than 10 minutes. If he doesn't like it, I buy him a drink instead. Better yet: he picks the subject. So he looks around for an idea, when at that moment in walks a patron with a miniature doberman pinscher at heel. My barstool compadre exlaims: "Aha!" and points at the tiny dog: "I pick that!" I immediately jot down the obvious 1st line. Take a minute or two to come up with the 2nd. Restless, I trot off to the urinal--still musing--and as I pee, lines 3 and 4 bubble up. I give a few victorious shakes, whip it back in, zip it up, rush back to my seat, and wrestle the devil for that final line. With just 45 seconds remaining: BINGO, a whiskey sour pour moi!)

I once knew a miniature Pinscher;
A female: I had to convince her
That the pants she wore
Made her look like a whore,
And she'd lose her position with Mensa.

(Note: "Mensa" is an organization just for geniuses, founded in 1946. The word "Mensa" means "table" in Latin. The name stands for a round-table society, where race, color, creed, national origin, age, politics, educational or social background are irrelevant. And, I hope, sexual orientation.)

A vampire from Transylvania
Had this peculiar mania,
For taking great pains
To destroy moving trains
In a station in Pennsylvania.

(Note: Transylvania is the mythical home of Dracula: most famous of all vampires. Definition of "mania": a pathological state characterized by euphoric mood, excessive activity and talkativeness, impaired judgment, and sometimes psychotic symptoms. Silly me: here, I mistook that for "love" all these many years. I confused "manic" for "romantic"; no wonder I scare all the cute dudes away! This poem is a "clean"--rather than "dirty"--limerick...as is the next one. Which next one, by the way, was also influenced by my hanging out at "The Hole", and marks the very beginning of my remarkable "Larkin Chronicles".)

An orange-y handsome man Larkin
Came to my sad heart a-knockin'.
With a hug and a kiss,
I felt such bliss!
The white doves they all came a-flockin'.

(Note: Larkin's hair was dyed an incredible orange, which looked so good on him, I thought was natural! This is not the first time I fell for a guy with orange hair...see "Acrostic to Al". The white dove is a symbol for peace, the holy spirit, and romantic love.)

And speaking of "The Hole", I invite you to read my first inspirational piece that came out of that sorry excuse of a dive: "I Love Gay Mecca".

ADDENDUM 12/13/07: Wait a minute, not one single dirty limerick in the group! Allow me to correct such an egregious violation right now:

I once knew a teen called Nick
Who possessed an exceedingly big dick,
But when he dropped his pants
All I saw there were ants,
So I said: "No thanks, i'll just take a lick".